


Can't Escape the Way I Love You

by cherryredriots



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Flowers, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Hanahaki Disease, Language of Flowers, M/M, Minor Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight, Mutual Pining, Nen (Hunter X Hunter), POV Killua Zoldyck, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25746523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryredriots/pseuds/cherryredriots
Summary: "You have one month, Killua Zoldyck. I suggest you spend it wisely."Killua is attacked with a Nen ability called Hanahaki that makes flowers grow in his chest as a result of intense love.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 36
Kudos: 114





	1. Phlox

"You have one month, Killua Zoldyck. I suggest you spend it wisely."

The words hit Killua like a physical blow to the chest, halting him in his step. All of the air is pushed out of his lungs and he gasps, unable to take in a full breath. A hand flies up to his throat as a cough builds, scratching his esophagus like a thousand tiny needles. Killua doubles over as he hacks, trying to clear his airways. Just as he’s finally dislodging the thing stuck in his throat, a fist is slamming into his stomach, sending him crashing to his knees. His hands scrape across the cement floor and he heaves when a kick is delivered to his gut. A cluster of pink, velvety flower petals coated in blood and spit splatter onto the cold ground.

“What the hell?” Killua whispers, staring down at the mess between his pale hands. “What the hell did you do to me?” he grits out louder, whipping his head up to look at the man standing over him. 

The greasy-haired man sneers down at him, baring his yellow teeth. “You’ve been hit by my Nen ability,” he laughs, smashing a fist into Killua’s jaw and sending him sprawling out on the ground. Killua’s head cracks against the cement and pink and red fills his sight as he comes eye-level with the petals on the floor. 

Pushing himself upright, Killua spits out the blood that’s pooled in his mouth, adding to the puddle already forming on the ground. “Who are you? What do you want?” he asks as he shakily stands.

“Ask your father. He’ll know who I am.”

Killua scoffs. “You’re stupid if you think my father remembers half the marks he’s taken out over the years.”

“Damn mouthy brat,” the man spits, throwing another punch at Killua’s face. 

In a flash, Killua grabs his wrist and twists, yanking it behind the man’s back and receiving a groan of pain from his opponent. "Now, I’ll ask again: what the hell did you do to me?" he growls, pressing his sharpened nails into the man's pulse point. A drop of blood beads on the man's skin, then trails down Killua's claws and veiny fingers.

"I already told you, you've been hit by my Nen ability," the man jeers, obviously not taking Killua's threat seriously. To remedy that, Killua presses his nails deeper into the man's skin until scarlet starts streaming down the man's neck in thin, stark rivulets. The man gasps, clenching his fists as he swallows forcefully.

"If you know my father, then you know I can kill you a dozen different ways, each more painful than the last, so start talking. Now," Killua snarls.

"My ability is called Hanahaki," he starts, voice a low rasp. "It has two conditions."

Killua puts more pressure on the man's throat. "Just spit it out already!"

"My ability makes flowers grow in your chest as a result of intense love. The first condition is you can't tell the person for whom the flowers are growing or you’ll die.”

“How do you know who they’re growing for?”

The man lets out a breathy chuckle. “Oh, you’ll know.”

Killua rolls his eyes and digs his nails in deeper out of spite. “And the second condition?”

“The person they’re growing for has to confess their love in return within a month or the Nen flowers will fill your lungs and pierce your heart.”

“ _ What? _ ” Killua hisses.

“You’ve gotta get a confession or you’re gonna die, kid,” the man says, his voice tinted with nonchalance, like  _ he _ isn’t the one about to die by Killua’s hands.

“And if I kill you?” Killua asks, which finally earns a proper reaction, a spike in heart rate and a stream of tears.

“It won’t help!” the man cries, putting a hand up in a placating gesture. “Please! I swear! There’s no way to get rid of it once I’ve given it to you!”

With a scoff, Killua lets his hand return to normal and pushes the man away from him. “You’re lucky I don’t do that stuff anymore. But you try this again and I won’t hesitate to kill you next time. Got it?”

The man nods frantically, stuttering out a meek thank you before running away, leaving only a small cloud of dust in his wake. Killua sighs and reaches a hand up to cradle his jaw. “Where’s Gon?” he mutters under his breath, shoving his other hand into his pocket as he makes his way towards the mouth of the tunnel they entered together before Killua was ambushed and they were separated.

“Gon?” he calls, listening intently for a reply. “Hey, Gon!”

Off in the distance, Killua hears a faint, “Killua?” and his ears perk up as he follows the sound. Within a few minutes, he finally sees a head of spiky hair and he starts to feel a tickle at the back of his throat again. He coughs lightly into his fist as he makes his way over to his best friend.

Gon turns around and meets Killua’s eyes, lighting up instantly. “Killua! Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Killua assures him, waving a hand dismissively.

“I was so worried when we got split up!” he says, before narrowing his eyes and cocking his head. “What happened to your face?” Before Killua can explain what happened, Gon is reaching up and trailing calloused fingers across his bruised jaw. The touch is featherlight and as gentle as a butterfly brushing its wings across the skin of his cheek; Gon examines his injury in a reverent manner, probing eyes focused solely on Killua as if the world has shrunk to just the two of them. He's so close that Killua could count every single freckle, every faint pink scar on his face and it makes Killua's heart jump to his throat. “Did he hurt you?”

A light blush breaking out across his cheeks, Killua turns his gaze away from Gon as he clears his throat. “He got a couple lucky hits, but I’m fine. Cried like a baby when I threatened to kill him and ran off. Damn small fry.”

Fingers lightly graze Killua’s jaw as Gon smiles wide. “Well, I’m glad you’re okay! Should we go take her to Knuckle?" Gon hooks a thumb over his shoulder at a woman slumped against the wall of the tunnel, passed out.

With a huff of a laugh, Killua raises his eyebrows and nods as Gon goes to collect the unconscious woman. "Yeah, let's go."

Gon returns with the woman slung over his shoulder and Killua catches himself watching the way Gon's arm flexes and his muscles ripple as he adjusts the women's weight. All at once, the scratchy feeling at the back of his throat returns with a vengeance and Killua begins to cough once more. He covers his mouth with his hand as the two walk out of the tunnel and make their way to their rendezvous point with Knuckle and comes away with another handful of rosy petals speckled with blood. With a disgruntled scoff, Killua closes his fist around the flowers and stuffs his hands into his pockets, making sure to hide the evidence from Gon. If his best friend found out about him being cursed with this weird as hell Nen ability, there's no way Killua would escape the constant badgering. 

Even so, Gon asks, eyebrows furrowed in concern, "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine, geez! Stop nagging!" Killua snaps and Gon hums, undeterred by the venom laced in Killua's tone.

The two fall into companionable silence as they cross the field between the tunnel and the abandoned building in which Knuckle told them to reconvene once they finished their mission.

Killua had almost forgotten why they had entered the dark tunnel in the first place; they'd been hired by the Hunter's Association to track down a pair of hunters thought to be involved in a human trafficking ring and apprehend them to be punished accordingly. When the couple split up, Knuckle told the boys to follow the woman with fiery red hair while he raced after the man with a hat pulled tight over his head. Gon and Killua followed close behind the woman, careful to use Zetsu to mask their presence, and when she tried to escape through a deserted tunnel, the two took it as their opportunity to strike.

Only when they attacked, Killua was ambushed by the greasy-haired man and separated from Gon and now he's stuck with this ticking time bomb of Nen with few ideas on how to rid himself of it.

Killua's not stupid. If the near constant tickle in his throat since he met up with Gon is any indication, he knows exactly for whom the flowers are growing and that fact makes everything that much worse. 

Killua's harbored these feelings for years now, since the day he first laid eyes on Gon. It started small, a tiny sprout of admiration, of curiosity as the two worked tirelessly to pass the Hunter's Exam. Then, it started to blossom, growing and growing as they became closer and closer, until it was completely out of Killua's control. Now, a physical representation of Killua's unruly love sits planted in his windpipe, destined to slowly smother him under the weight of unrequited love because there's no way that Gon will ever feel the same way about Killua.

Gon loved Killua as a friend, that much Killua was sure of, but that's all. It's a fact that Killua accepted long ago, when he collapsed on the ground of a crumbling palace and screamed until his lungs gave out because he wasn't the person Gon needed. He was  _ never  _ going to be the person Gon needed. 

Not like that, at least.

Still, if Killua could still stay by Gon's side, even saddled with these burdensome feelings, that was what truly mattered. As long as Gon was a part of Killua's life, that's all that mattered.

But now, it seems that life will be cut short.

And it was all because Killua was  _ selfish. _ He wanted too much, asked for too much. He was selfish and now it is going to cost him his life unless he can find another way out that didn't involve getting an impossible confession from Gon.

He's got to start looking into other options, all while keeping the truth away from Gon, who has always been able to see right through him.

Killua groans under his breath, earning a quirk of an eyebrow from Gon as they approach Knuckle, shirtless and standing over a handcuffed man.

Killua waves Gon off with a roll of his eyes, feigning disgruntlement. Gon huffs, but doesn't needle him further, so Killua counts it as a win. "Sorry it took so long!" Gon says to Knuckle when they're standing in front of him. "We ran into some trouble."

"Nothin' too serious, I hope?"

"Nah," Killua insists. "Nothing we couldn't handle."

Gon mumbles something under his breath and Killua elbows him in the ribs, making Gon pout in retaliation. "That hurt!" Gon complains, which makes Killua roll his eyes once more.

"Baby," he mutters, then turns his attention to Knuckle. "We all done here?"

Knuckle shrugs as he takes the woman off Gon's hands and snaps a pair of Nen-suppressing handcuffs on her for good measure. "Yeah, I can get these two back to the Association on my own. Thanks for your help."

"No problem, Knuckle!" Gon chirps, hiking his backpack up his shoulders as he bounces in place. "See ya!"

Killua and Gon wave goodbye to Knuckle, heading out towards the busy street. They reach a crosswalk and Gon presses the button for the street to the left, the one that will take them to their small, cozy apartment uptown. Killua, however, needs to go the opposite direction if he's going to get rid of these stupid Nen flowers, so he presses the second button and turns to face Gon's questioning look.

"I've got something I gotta do," Killua says, intentionally vague as he hooks a thumb over his shoulder. "I'll see you back at the apartment, okay?"

"Um, okay," Gon replies, sounding confused and unsure. Killua hates leaving him in the dark, but it's a necessary evil. Hopefully, by the time he gets back, this will all be settled and Killua will be back to having just one secret hidden from Gon.

Once he's out of earshot and down the block, Killua takes out his phone and dials the number of the first person that came to mind when he needed help.

The line rings for one beat, two, then, "Hello?"

"Leorio. I need your help."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the flowers killua coughed up this chapter were phlox! their meaning is souls united, united hearts, harmony, partnership, and compatibility!
> 
> you can follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/cherryredriots) if you'd like!!


	2. Camellia

"Killua? You never call me. Is something wrong? Is Gon okay?” comes Leorio’s panicked voice through the crackling connection.

Killua rolls his eyes. “Calm down, old man, Gon’s fine.”

“Then what’s going on?”

Killua stops walking and scuffs his shoe against the sidewalk, back and forth, as he clears his throat, the Nen flowers reacting to even just the mention of Gon. "I’m coming over.”

Leorio sounds hesitant when he says, "Um, yeah, okay. Let me know when you get here, so I can buzz you up.”

With an affirmative hum, Killua hangs up the phone and starts walking towards Kurapika and Leorio's apartment. As he walks, Killua swallows down the urge to cough, growling under his breath at the persistent annoyance and earning a few frightened looks from passersby. 

“Stupid flowers,” he mumbles, kicking a stone with the toe of his sneaker. It skitters across the sidewalk, then bounces off the concrete into the mulch of a bed of bushes. 

Killua watches its journey, uninterested, until his eyes fall upon the flowers blooming on the bush. They’re bubblegum pink, petals overlapping in row after row, and sit nestled in nests of verdant leaves. Killua stops walking, pursing his lips as he manifests his Nen lightning. He lets it crackle between his fingers for a moment before slowly bringing his hand down to the flower. The lightning jumps from his fingertips to the camellia in a flash of light and Killua watches as the petals char, the flame eating up the pink and turning it to an ashy black. Only after the flower is completely engulfed does he return his hand to his side and turn away to close the distance between himself and the door to the apartment building. 

Wrapping a hand around the handle, Killua shoots Leorio a text to let him know he's arrived and a moment later, the door buzzes and unlocks with a click. The door is thrown open and Killua enters the pristine lobby. He takes the stairs up to the third floor and walks down the hallway until he reaches apartment 3D.

When the door to the apartment opens, Leorio quirks an eyebrow when he sees Killua alone. "Where's Tweedle-Dee?" he asks.

Killua narrows his eyes, crosses his arms over his chest. "Are you implying that  _ I'm _ Tweedle-Dum? Have you seen Gon try to do math?” He doesn’t wait for a reply, instead continuing with, “Anyway, do you know any Nen exorcists?”

Leorio huffs out a laugh. “Just straight to the point, huh? No ‘Hey, how are ya?’? ‘How ya been?’?”

“I only have a month to live, so I’m running a bit short on time, sue me.”

“ _ What _ ? What the hell do you mean?” Leorio asks, crossing his arms and leaning against the door frame.

Kurapika’s voice comes from inside the apartment, soft and melodic, “Yes, please elaborate. I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

Killua pushes his way into the apartment and plops down onto the worn couch in Leorio and Kurapika's living room. "I have...a problem."

As he closes the door and crosses the room, Leorio prompts, "Define 'problem.'"

"A Nen ability has been attached to me."

"Like Judgement Chain?" Kurapika asks, taking a seat next to him.

"Yeah," Killua sighs, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees. "But it's got a time limit."

"How long?"

"A month."

"A  _ month?! _ " Leorio squawks. "Is there a way to stop it?"

Killua mumbles, "Yeah, get a confession."

"A confession? Like a love confession?" 

"Yeah," he hums, avoiding Leorio's eyes as his cheeks pinken. "The stupid ability makes flowers grow in my chest and if I get a confession from the person I love, then I get to live to see my 18th birthday. If not…" he trails off into silence, then drags his thumb across his neck. 

Kurapika studies Killua's face for a moment, his gaze calculating. "It's Gon, isn't it?"

Pale cheeks get even darker as Killua's eyes narrow and he snaps, "No way!"

Those dark, probing eyes dart around Killua's face for a moment, then, "You're lying."

"Dammit," Killua groans, scrunching up his nose. "Yes, of course it's Gon! Who else could it be? One of you two? If it were I'd be dead by now!"

"What makes you say that?"

"If I tell Gon, I die instantly. A stupid condition of the Nen."

"Wow," Kurapika breathes, bringing a hand up to cradle his chin. "This is quite a predicament."

"You're telling  _ me _ ," Killua sighs, digging around his pocket for his yo-yo. As he flicks his wrist and sends the yo-yo down towards the ground, he turns to face Leorio again. "Which is why I'm here. The only solution I can think of is a Nen exorcist. So do you know one?"

Leorio takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Yeah, I work with one at the hospital. I'll give her a call." He fishes his phone out of his pocket and dials a number, only acknowledging Killua’s soft “thanks” with a small wave, pressing the phone to his ear. “Hey, Rin, it’s Leorio…” his voice trails off as he leaves the room to enter the kitchen.

“So how long?”

“Hm?” Killua hums, turning to face Kurapika.

“How long have you felt this way for Gon?”

Killua huffs, casting his eyes away. “You’re scarily observant, I’m sure you already know.”

“I have my suspicions, but I want to know how long  _ you’ve _ known,” Kurapika reasons, folding his hands in his lap, awaiting Killua’s answer patiently.

Flopping back into the cushions behind him, Killua lets out all of the air in his lungs, deflating completely. “I don’t remember a time before I loved Gon,” he starts, already feeling his body flush in embarrassment. “Everything before the Exam—it’s like another lifetime. I’ve never had someone care about me the way Gon does, so it was just… _ easy _ to fall for him. So easy that I didn’t even realize I had until our fight with the chimera ants. It was only when I was faced with the very real reality of losing Gon that it truly hit me. I didn’t know how I fit into Gon’s life anymore, if I was his friend or his partner, and that uncertainty sent me into a spiral that ended with me realizing just how important Gon is to me.” 

“You should tell him that.”

“What part of ‘I can’t tell Gon or I’ll die’ did you not understand?”

“I’m not saying to tell him about the flowers. I’m saying tell him how you feel. How much he means to you.” Kurapika settles a hand on Killua’s shoulder. “It might do you a world of good to get these feelings off your chest,” he insists, a glimmer of knowing in his eyes.

Killua shrugs, bites his lip as he catches his yo-yo and sends it down again. “Maybe,” he concedes. He’s quiet for a tense moment before he finally asks what’s been on his mind since these stupid flowers lodged themselves in his throat, “What if I tell him how I feel and he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore?”

“Killua,” Kurapika sighs. “It’s Gon. He cares about you deeply, just as you care about him deeply. He wouldn’t give that up so easily.”

“How can you be sure?”

Soft smile on his face, Kurapika gives a simple explanation, “I know him.”

Killua hums, noncommittal. He can hear Leorio conversing in the other room, his voice low and insistent, as he and Kurapika fall into a companionable silence.

“How long do  _ you  _ think it’s been?” he asks after a while.

Kurapika picks up the mug of steaming tea sitting on the table, wrapping his fingers around it and staring down into the warm liquid in contemplation. “Your feelings for him were obvious in how you lit up when we came to save you from your family. It was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds on an overcast day.”

“That seems like forever ago,” Killua whispers, admitting it to the ceiling.

“That wasn’t the moment I knew you loved him though,” Kurapika continues, drawing Killua’s eyes to him. “I knew you loved him, you were  _ in love  _ with him, when I heard about what you went through to save him after the war with the ants.”

“You heard about that, huh?”

“I did,” he nods. “I am sorry I wasn’t there to help you. It haunts me to this day. I know it haunts Leorio, too.”

“You both had other stuff going on.”

Kurapika opens his mouth to argue, but before any words can make their way past his lips, Leorio reenters the room and tells them, “My friend Rin is on her way, she’ll be here in half an hour. We’re lucky she wasn’t working today.”

“I’ll make some more tea,” Kurapika offers, standing up from his place next to Killua and making his way into the kitchen.

* * *

A musical ping sounds from Leorio’s pocket, announcing Rin’s arrival. He buzzes her up and within the minute, she is in the apartment, entering the room with the grace of a ghost. Her dress drags across the ground with a whisper as she floats across the room towards Killua.

“I take it you’re Killua,” she greets with a kind smile.

Scratching the back of his neck, Killua doesn’t make eye contact. “Uh, yeah.”

She sets down her medical bag and asks, “Could you lie back for me?” When Killua obeys easily, she kneels next to the couch and reaches out both hands to let them hover over Killua’s sternum. “Stay still for me, please,” she says, then her hands start to glow an eerie blue. Killua holds his breath, careful not to move as she exams him. After a moment, she hums and withdraws her hands. “I’m afraid I have some bad news.”

Leorio’s face scrunches up in concern. “What is it?”

With a sigh, Rin folds her hands together. “Nen like this, so closely intertwined with your emotions, it’s...persistent,” she explains. “It digs its claws in, or, if you’d rather use a flower metaphor, it digs its thorns in and when you uproot it, those thorns pull out more than just the flowers.”

Kurapika puts a hand to his chin. “I see. So you’re saying that Killua’s emotions regarding Gon will be removed as well.”

“Yes, it’s also quite possible that his memories will be affected, too.”

Killua swears under his breath and shakily runs a hand through his hair. “What do I do now?” Just as the question leaves his mouth, that terrible, familiar itch in the back of his throat arises. The cough tears its way out of him, making his chest heave. He takes a shuddering breath in, then another, more productive cough builds and builds and suddenly, he has a handful of pink petals tinged with blood. “This is getting really annoying,” Killua growls out.

“I believe those are camellia petals,” Kurapika says, leaning in to examine the handful of flowers that match those growing in the bushes outside the apartment building. “If memory serves me correctly, they mean ‘longing’.”

“Lovely," Killua deadpans. “As if I didn’t already know that I’m hopelessly in love with Gon, now the flowers are saying it, too.”

Kurapika shrugs, looking sympathetic. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs and Killua waves him off.

“So let me get this all straight. I have three options,” Killua puts up one finger, “tell Gon and die,” another finger, “don’t tell Gon and die, or,” a third finger joins the others, “get the exorcism and completely lose every memory I have of Gon.” Killua laughs, sarcastic. “What a choice!”

“I’m sorry, Killua. I wish I were more help,” Rin apologizes.

Leorio settles a hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault, Rin. Thank you for coming over.”

As she stands and makes her way over to the door, Rin says, “If you decide to follow through with the exorcism, I’m just a call away.” She hands Killua a business card inscribed with her phone number. He nods in thanks.

After she’s left, Killua asks again, “What should I do?”

“For fear of sounding like a broken record, perhaps you should just tell Gon how much he means to you without mentioning the flowers,” Kurapika offers. “At the very least, he’ll know your true feelings and how much you care for him before you...expire.”

Leorio nods along as Kurapika talks. “Yeah. I mean, you could tell him how you feel and get the exorcism after if he doesn’t return your feelings! We can fill you in on everything that you lose, no big deal!”

“No,” Killua asserts. “I won’t be getting the exorcism.”

“What?” Leorio croaks, eyes wide in confusion.

“I’d rather die than lose my friendship with Gon.”

“Killua…”

“I’ve already almost lost him once before and you both know how far I went to make sure that didn’t happen. I’m not losing him again.” Killua’s tone leaves nothing to debate, resolute and steadfast.

Kurapika and Leorio exchange a look, lips pursed. After a wordless exchange, Leorio sighs. “Well, if there’s nothing we can do to convince you…”

“I guess I should go talk to Gon,” Killua concedes, swinging his legs off the couch and standing up with a heavy exhale.

“If you need us, you know where to find us.”

“Good luck, Killua. I think it will go better than you imagine,” Kurapika says, walking him to the door.

“Yeah,” Killua sighs, a little shaky with the ever-present tickle in his throat. After he crosses the threshold of the apartment, he pauses for a moment. “Thank you,” he says, voice small and embarrassed.

“Anytime,” Leorio assures, gently squeezing his shoulder in a way that Killua can only call ‘fatherly’, though he’d never been treated that way by his own father.

“Yeah, bye.” Ducking his head to hide his reddening cheeks, he waves over his shoulder and lets the door close behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> you can follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/cherryredriots) if you'd like!!


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